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Who Do I Think I Am ?

by Kath Tait

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1.
Willy Sim 04:06
Willy Sim Mama kicked the dog and the dog bit the cat And the cat scratched Sammy and Sammy scratched back Then Sally hit Sammy and Dad came home And Mama screamed ‘I just can’t handle this alone’ Then the neighbour came in screaming ‘what’s this din I’ve got to get some sleep for the love of sin' Then Dad got mad and he socked him in the jaw And now someone’s gone off to fetch the law But Willy don’t hang around here no more But he’s down in the garden by the pickett fence Where he employs his own defence He’s got daisies growing around his feet He’s been sitting down there for nearly a week And the rain comes down and it soaks into the ground And the flaky snow falls and the stars shine down On little Willy Sim mischievious grin As he sits there playing his melodian What’s this crazy world, I got nerves of steel Iron muscles in my stomach and I can’t feel And there’s battles on one plane and wars on another And friend hits friend and brother hits brother And the red lights are flashing and the ambulance screams The neighbour’s just got mangled in the washing machine And Dad’s thrown a stink ‘cause the tele’s on the blink And Sally’s got her pet rat in the kitchen sink But Willy don’t hang around here no more What’s this crazy world, I don’t know what’s real Life in the city is a low down deal There’s a shortage of passion and a shortage of fire And everybody’s worried and everybody’s tired There’s a cat fight on the landing and a car crash on the street And Mama’s got a headache and she can’t get to sleep There’s a riot in the alley and the church bells are ringing And the neighbour’s gone and taken up opera singing And Dad’s had enough and he’s thinking about retirement And all her ever talks of is a change of environment And if that’s not all, well I beg your pardon But what’s that bloody racket down in the garden Shutup little Willy Sim, won’t you stop that din But he keeps on playing his melodian
2.
The Man With The Hat She could have had the man with the porsche The thoroughbred horse or the mansion of course She could have had the man with the guile The corporate style or the fortunate smile But she knew the lines, she'd heard them before From the dark scheming mind of the man by the door She knew that she couldn't stand much more of that So she fell in love with the man with the hat She could have had the man with the grin The pink double chin or the double pink gin She could have had the man with the cash The stockmarket crash or the heroin stash But she knew the tricks and the carefully laid traps He had no disguise did the man with the hat He had no defences, no trappings of war She could see just exactly what she was in for And she fell in love with the man with the hat How about that, the man with the hat They sat there indulging in yikkety yak While the sun shone so kindly on this and on that But she could have had the man with the charms The burglar alarms or the antelope farms She could have had the romanticist Or the kind bigamist that no one could resist They all gazed upon her with envy and awe She'd never been quite so enchanted before The men gazed around just to see where she sat But she gazed at none but the man with the hat But she could have had the man with the mind Who understood time, who drank too much wine She could have had any man in the room The wealthy tycoon or the healthy young goon They loved her for this and they loved her for that They called out her name but she didn't call back She loved them a bit with a love that was slack For she had her mind on the man with the hat
3.
Hole in the Hedge She snuck through the hole in the hedge So she could visit her neighbour's husband She got through the window and into his bed And they flopped around like two fish out of water Then she came home to her own dear one Who stood there solemnly watering cabbages He'd not an inkling of what she had done But her mind was full of love's rampant ravages Now her own dear one was a grump in the morning Complaining of how his life was so boring Thinking about his worries and strife Thinking about his life and his wife But she was lurking with bottles of valium Plotting a plan for constraining and framing him She put a pill in his cup of tea And sent him outside to water the peas Then she snuck through the hole in the hedge So she could visit her neighbour's husband She got through the window and into his bed And they flopped around like two hippos in springtime Then she came home to her own dear one Who'd fallen asleep between two rows of cabbages He'd not an inkling of what she had done But her mind was full of love's rampant ravages Then she goes out to buy a new dress To forget her shame and her husband hopping But knowing she never could ever confess Finds that there is no comfort in shopping So she comes home to her own dear one Only to find that there's nobody home He's not in the garden watering peas Picking the peaches or pruning the trees So she snuck through the hole in the hedge So she could visit her neighbour's husband But there was no room for her in his bed He was flopping around with her husband instead Oh she wailed, look what has prevailed I am framed by my own game I am a fool for breaking the rule I promise I'll never be naughty again But they didn't hear they were lost in their spasms Shrieks and cries and loud orgasms They were lost to love's rampant ravages She was left to water the cabbages
4.
The River of Life She was born in a middle class town She could have gone up, she could have gone down But she just went around and around On a downward spiral One morning so fair and fine She stole away while the moon did shine And strayed on down the wayward line Southwards of survival She could have been a lady Could have been a wife But she fell into the river of life Swimming in a pool of trouble and strife She really loved the danger But the river of life it rolls and flows Down by the banks where the brambles gro. Swimming around in trouble and strife Way down low in the river of life Over hills of thorns and valleys of scorn Rambling like she was gypsy born Travelling on through weather and storm Without a thought for danger But she was young and looking for fun Dreaming of things she'd never done So lost in sweet oblivion She welcomed in the stranger But the stranger he was a wanton rake For he took her money and he called her a fake And shook her round like an old earthquake And left her there for plunder But a heart gone down might never be found Might lie in the dirt and roll around But she was always on the rebound And never would go under And so the women of character wins in the end The river of life will be your friend Not frail of heart, but a true upstart The river of life has made her And like a flood she did surely rise High as the hills and the clear blue skies She never was a lady, but she was wise And nothing much would change her
5.
Sunbeam Queen Sunhats, sunblock, lock up your skin with a padlock She used to be a streaker on the Costa Rica She used to be a stunner when she lived down under On the gold coast, she would lie there and roast And in Fiji, she was done to a tee With a suntan on the rantan And with what she was wearing she should have been banned Although the sun’s gone out and the sky’s getting greyer There’s still a hole in the ozone layer She used to be an angel or a beauty queen But she got attacked by a sunbeam Sunhats, sunscreen She got attacked by a sunbeam The police tried to catch her in Madagascar And in Biarritz for exposing her tits And in Bermuda, she just got ruder She showed her bare bum to every person On the shoreline, on the coastline Anywhere in the world in the sunshine They tried to tell her, they tried to warn her Of melanoma, for the beachcomber Her skin was tinder, burnt to a cinder A concentration, of radiation But she said, fair skin is not in She said, it looks sick -- anaemic The sun would glisten, she wouldn’t listen To be brown was her only ambition
6.
Work on that Man Baby's got the blues he's been down for a year Now his motor's revving slow and it needs repair Mama don't think that it's worth me trying Says it's gonna take too much overtime I'm gonna work on that man I'm gonna fix him up soon as I can Since he got his gears locked in reverse The situation's got bad and it could get worse Well he's not a bad starter when the weather is hot But he soon packs up in them winter frosts He's got a leaky radiator and a worn out generator And sooner or later he's gonna rot I'm gonna work on that man I'm gonna fix him up fast as I can Cause this high class living costs such a lot You have to learn to make the best of what you've got And I ain't got no use for automatic transmission Or those fancy new models in perfect condition If I can keep his old engine running reasonably smooth Cause I don't want a man to look at I want one to use I'm gonna work on that man Maybe I'll panelbeat his old tin can But those dents and scratches don't bother me Just as long as he can get me from A to B
7.
Mary Popped her Cork Everything was cool everything was bliss Never thought a thing could be as cool as this Till Mary popped her cork, yeh, Mary flipped her lid, yeh Now everything's gone run a-muck And she never says please and she always says Fuck Everything was hazy, everything was lazy Turn around twice and everything's gone crazy Cause Mary popped her cork, yeh, Mary flipped her lid, yeh Now everything has come unstuck And she never says please and she always says Fuck Why do you think, she's so strange Too many Australian soap operas have gone into her brain Too many jelly beans too much beer I tried to tell her once but she said Get Out Of Here Why do you think she's flipped her loop Too many Californian prosperity consciousness raising groups Too much cheap wine and chocolate cake I tried to tell her once but she said Go jump in the lake
8.
Bastard 01:36
Bastard. How could I give my heart to a bastard like that Please Mr bastard, can I have my heart back Too much fiction and not enough fact, well Love isn't blind but it can't see around corners How could I give my money to a Bastard like that Please Mr bastard, can I have my money back I didn't pay for all of that crap, well Love isn't blind but it's got the wrong glasses on I tried to live in an innocent haze Away from the blues and the low down days But gone are the highs and the passionate sighs When there's too many lies well true love dies, dies How could I give my time to a bastard like that Please Mr bastard can I have my time back I didn't want to spend it like that, well Love isn't blind but I think it's got dyslexia Love isn’t blind but it’s got the wrong glasses on Love isn’t blind but it can’t see around corners Love, love, love, love, love, love, love Money, money, money, money, money, money, money Bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard Love isn’t blind but it can’t see around corners
9.
Westbound Highway I lost my heart on the Westbound Highway I lost my heart on the Westbound Highway one Do you know did somebody find it Did they put it in the lost and found Did they put it in the lost and found Keep it safely waiting in some one horse town I lost my heart in a careless moment I lost my heart in an unwatched hour Walking down the road my head in a dream Must have fallen down though I didn't see Foolish be my distraction I'll never find a heart like that one For if it should be torn apart, you know All it's love will turn to sorrow And I'll have to find another heart to borrow And if it should be treated bad, you know All it's love will turn to sadness And I'll have to find another source of gladness Well I've got a searchlight and a full enquiry I'm looking for my heart it's a red and fiery one Have you seen it, it might get lonely Have you seen it, it might get cold Have you seen it, it might get exposure Have you seen it, it might get old
10.
The Mackenzie Song I've mustered from Southland through Central and North In that rough barren country of tussock and gorse And I've listened to tales that the old shearers tell And passed them along with me own tales as well Mackenzie, Mackenzie was that you I saw Roaming them back hills just up from Benmore With fifty-odd sheep and a good shepherd's dog Was it your ghost in the morning fog They tell of Mackenzie sheep stealer they say He stole squatter's sheep and he drove them away With one strong eyed dog , who hypnotised sheep To a far distant land where no white man had been Some say he was a criminal some say a good man Put down by the law and his dog it was damned Well they took him to prison but he set himself free Then they took him again his dog hung from a tree Those high country gales that blow through the night Where the musterers camp in the fire's dim light They often bring sounds way off in the dark Like a lone shepherd's whistle and a lone sheep dog's bark

about

This was recorded analog an mixed onto DAT. It was reproduced on cassette and sold in that format. So this is the original high quality recording from the DAT.

credits

released March 29, 1991

I can't exactly remember who did what but I'm sure that Janet Muggeridge did the vocal harmonies. Alan Muggeridge played bass, mandolin and electric guitar. Engineered and produced by Alan Muggeridge. Kath Tait played acoustic guitar , harmonica and vocals.

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Kath Tait London, UK

Bio: Kath Tait is a songwriter from New Zealand, living in London. She writes about her life as a carer, a hippy, an itinerant bard and a wholefood freak. Described as ‘wonky and eccentric’ she is an empathetic and intelligent lyricist.

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